I woke up today feeling good. The feeling wasn't just on the surface, like the good you feel when eating your favorite ice cream or watching an old favorite movie. It was a feeling of good that permeated my every being. There I was, lying on an undersized couch, listening to the sound of someone pouring the contents of their stomach into the nearby bathroom toilet. God, who has that much in their stomach? The retching sounds continued to emanate from the nearby room for another few minutes or so. Well, I thought, it could be worse. I could be in there praying to porcelain instead.

I felt very at peace with myself today. A peace that I haven't known in the past three weeks. It was if clarity had fallen from the sky and struck me right then and there. I was still sad, but I wasn't in turmoil anymore. The ghosts of my past were retreating it seemed to some distant dark closet where I could ressurect them again if need be.

Throughout the day my mood only improved. I suppose once you've hit bottom there is only one way to go. I spent the day surrounded by close friends. I can't help but feel lucky for the relationships I've been blessed with. My friends have been there for me, and honestly I think I'd be locked up in a nuthouse now if it weren't for them.

Near the evening hours I began to think of her again. I always think of her when it rains. Did it rain today? No longer am I futilely beating the locked doors in an impotent rage, but I am feeling loss and pain. I miss her. I miss us. I miss myself.